Radio communication fails all over the GSMA(1). A classified ad says to sell your unwanted TVs, computers, etc. or suffer dire consequences. The two phenomena seem to be related.
Jeb sets up a meeting with the guy who wants very badly to buy machinery. But since he won't meet until nightfall, the Junior Deputies swing by the Enchanted Forest trailer park, which Jeb has always been suspicious of.
There, they meet Ilrondelia the Magnificent, Queen of the Elves. Behind a wizardly Veil which hides the Elves (and painfully shocks Andrew, and the freshmen, whenever they cross it), she lives in a trailer, watching daytime television and enjoying chocolate-covered snack cakes. She reveals to Andrew many useful things about being a wizard, and asks, in return, for a blue Toyota. She also invites Rowena to the Midsummer's Day feast, provided Rowena offers the loaf of turkey, the dressing of ranch, and other needful items. Darla, a young Elf girl, makes signs just outside Ilrondelia's field of vision to keep Andrew, Rowena or Jeb from getting themselves in trouble.
And there are elephants wandering around. Milton makes friends with the wrong one, who starts to stuff him into a tire, but the other elephant rescues him. Milton decides to call the nice one Shep.
Deputy Tim shows up, worried. We've dropped right off the GPS for a couple of hours. That Elf Veil is some hot stuff.
A robot tank trundles up, demanding metal. Milton pops the hood and breaks some of the glass gears, grinding it to a halt. Then Jeb takes out his multitool and puts it back together, commanding it to obey him. It's not an Army tank with a cannon, but a robot tank with a claw-arm and a .. well, it's like a cannon. More of a railgun.
The tank returns along its obvious tracks to a part of the woods where many, many machines have been piled up into a huge tower topped with mechanical spider-arms, which is busily assembling enormous wheels and engines. Seems Blokhin, the mad dwarf, has aspirations to use the Hellmouth as a power source for his steam turbines. He plans to put the city of Sparta on treads and drive it around, to what ultimate end none can say. Because Blokhin loses control of his salamanders (2) to Andrew, gets set on fire, flees using a jetpack, and eventually blows up.
The flames from Blokhin's explosion rain down on the forest, setting several fires. Andrew commands the water of Dollar Lake to turn into mist, and roll over the fires, quenching them. This works, but it leaves Andrew badly dehydrated. Clearly there's more to learn if he wants to do more than one wizard stunt a month, followed by intensive care.
Jeb recovers his hammer, made of compressed fire. Jeb figures the hammer can boil water pretty much endlessly, creating a free source of steam power. And a supervillain is born!
Meanwhile, they tell Milton he can see his faerie nature by dipping a finger in Grail water. He does. The finger comes out coal-black with a pearlescent nail. Bob eagerly concludes that Milton is a Svartalf, known for their rages, lightning speed, and powers of enchantment.
1 Greater Sparta Metropolitan Area
2 Fire elementals
Saturday, August 22, 2015
Tuesday, August 11, 2015
Episode 24: Lots More Redcaps
So the redcaps try to get their stolen guy back. This time they don't create a monster as bait, they just move into an abandoned cellophane factory and start bringing in faerie hit men. One reason, Bob suggests, is that they're Winter, and this is the first week of June, so they're weaker than usual. But if they bring enough fists, it won't matter.
Andrew throws firecrackers into the factory, as one does. This creates a standoff; the faeries don't want to come out, and we certainly don't want to go in. Andrew goes up a smokestack and shouts wizardly threats through it, which they totally believe. They shift all their efforts to killing the wizard. That actually makes it a lot easier for the non-wizards among us, so thanks, Andrew!
Chuck draws a circle around the factory. They shoot some arrows at him, but only as part of an arms-length bargaining duel with Andrew. They also try to stab Andrew with a stealthy faerie, then send a huge, patient reptile named Old Guy to go up the smokestack and get him. Andrew wisely withdraws.
Jack o'the Green, leader of the rescue party, negotiates with Rowena. Throwing embroidered silk ransom notes back and forth, they eventually work out a deal. Rowena will give them the redcap she captured. Jack owes her two favors, to be collected by her turning a silver ring with an emerald, which he provides. He need not grant the second favor if the first one kills him. They will swear not to kill any of us, unless we attack them or trespass on their domain, which in our universe is the abandoned cellophane factory.
As we do not seem to know the rules, Jack's minions are unsure whether they can trust the deal. Jack asks the freshmen (Lana, Jeb, and Milton) if any of them will agree to Choose. They are half-fey, he says, as anyone can see. If they Choose, they become all-fey, or all-human. But if all-fey, then the faeries can trust them. Of course, they have to choose Summer or Winter, in that case, or else be an enemy of all faeriekind. Wyldfae, as they're known, don't live very long. And there isn't any other choice than Summer, Winter, or nothing ... is there?
Deal done, they then cannot return to the Nevernever without Chuck opening the circle. He agrees to do so, which almost necessitates a second round of negotiations. In acknowledgment of Rowena returning his mirror-bright sword, the captive Redcap grants her a boon. Turns out he's the Winter Knight, the enforcer of the Winter Court, and we could have bargained for way more favors, but we never asked and Jack didn't volunteer the information.
Jack departs, instructing Old Guy to find Andrew and provoke him. We're not sure what'll come of that.
As we are withdrawing from the Faerie Realm on Earth (until July 1, when they don't pay their property tax assessment and it reverts to the county), a small green gnome with enormous yellow eyes begs, "Take me with you!" When we seem hesitant, he brandishes a chain of weasel skulls and says "Weeeeeasel magic," enticingly. But strangely, no one is tempted, despite his increasingly desperate whines of "weeeeasel magic! Weeeeasel!"
Someone suggests using Grail Water to heal Jeb's ear, which has grown back looking like a leathery lump. Instead, the water turns part of his cheek into leathery, tough, fireproof dwarf hide. Bob concludes he must be half-dwarf, and congratulates Jeb on getting one of the few faerie species that don't have iron-sickness. Should he choose to wash in Grail Water, or just turn three times widdershins saying "I am what I choose," he could be a full Dwarf! Hey hey!
Jeb does not do so at this time.
Lana dips the tip of one finger in the water. The finger turns pale, and the nail becomes long and sharp. Bob concludes she's either a Sidhe (the magic-using nobility of the Nevernever), a Bane Sidhe (the scary immortals who can kill you with their voice) or a Svartalfar, the secret, lightning-quick skulkers in the shadows. High Elf, Doom Elf or Ninja, he summarizes. But you don't get to pick.
Andrew tries to use his mind to set a match alight. The entire match explodes! He tries cupping wind in his hand and gets a pop! noise like he'd crushed a paper bag, but without using a bag. That'll save on paper bags, and may have other uses.
Andrew throws firecrackers into the factory, as one does. This creates a standoff; the faeries don't want to come out, and we certainly don't want to go in. Andrew goes up a smokestack and shouts wizardly threats through it, which they totally believe. They shift all their efforts to killing the wizard. That actually makes it a lot easier for the non-wizards among us, so thanks, Andrew!
Chuck draws a circle around the factory. They shoot some arrows at him, but only as part of an arms-length bargaining duel with Andrew. They also try to stab Andrew with a stealthy faerie, then send a huge, patient reptile named Old Guy to go up the smokestack and get him. Andrew wisely withdraws.
Jack o'the Green, leader of the rescue party, negotiates with Rowena. Throwing embroidered silk ransom notes back and forth, they eventually work out a deal. Rowena will give them the redcap she captured. Jack owes her two favors, to be collected by her turning a silver ring with an emerald, which he provides. He need not grant the second favor if the first one kills him. They will swear not to kill any of us, unless we attack them or trespass on their domain, which in our universe is the abandoned cellophane factory.
As we do not seem to know the rules, Jack's minions are unsure whether they can trust the deal. Jack asks the freshmen (Lana, Jeb, and Milton) if any of them will agree to Choose. They are half-fey, he says, as anyone can see. If they Choose, they become all-fey, or all-human. But if all-fey, then the faeries can trust them. Of course, they have to choose Summer or Winter, in that case, or else be an enemy of all faeriekind. Wyldfae, as they're known, don't live very long. And there isn't any other choice than Summer, Winter, or nothing ... is there?
Deal done, they then cannot return to the Nevernever without Chuck opening the circle. He agrees to do so, which almost necessitates a second round of negotiations. In acknowledgment of Rowena returning his mirror-bright sword, the captive Redcap grants her a boon. Turns out he's the Winter Knight, the enforcer of the Winter Court, and we could have bargained for way more favors, but we never asked and Jack didn't volunteer the information.
Jack departs, instructing Old Guy to find Andrew and provoke him. We're not sure what'll come of that.
As we are withdrawing from the Faerie Realm on Earth (until July 1, when they don't pay their property tax assessment and it reverts to the county), a small green gnome with enormous yellow eyes begs, "Take me with you!" When we seem hesitant, he brandishes a chain of weasel skulls and says "Weeeeeasel magic," enticingly. But strangely, no one is tempted, despite his increasingly desperate whines of "weeeeasel magic! Weeeeasel!"
Someone suggests using Grail Water to heal Jeb's ear, which has grown back looking like a leathery lump. Instead, the water turns part of his cheek into leathery, tough, fireproof dwarf hide. Bob concludes he must be half-dwarf, and congratulates Jeb on getting one of the few faerie species that don't have iron-sickness. Should he choose to wash in Grail Water, or just turn three times widdershins saying "I am what I choose," he could be a full Dwarf! Hey hey!
Jeb does not do so at this time.
Lana dips the tip of one finger in the water. The finger turns pale, and the nail becomes long and sharp. Bob concludes she's either a Sidhe (the magic-using nobility of the Nevernever), a Bane Sidhe (the scary immortals who can kill you with their voice) or a Svartalfar, the secret, lightning-quick skulkers in the shadows. High Elf, Doom Elf or Ninja, he summarizes. But you don't get to pick.
Andrew tries to use his mind to set a match alight. The entire match explodes! He tries cupping wind in his hand and gets a pop! noise like he'd crushed a paper bag, but without using a bag. That'll save on paper bags, and may have other uses.
Episode 23: Red Caps and Iron Shoes
Two faeries come into town seeking the Autumn Knight: a redcap and a fellow named Iron Shoes, who has iron shoes he's quite proud of. They create a rawhead to lure the Autumn Knight in, but all they get are the Spartans.
After accusing everyone of being the Autumn Knight, the Redcap fences with Rowena, and is coming close to beating her. So Jeb runs him over with a pickup truck, called in fencing la grande forde. He wasn't ready for that one.
Iron Shoes, meanwhile, tries to stomp Andrew and partially succeeds. Chuck clamps jumper cables on his iron shoes, which doesn't feel good at all. Andrew steals his iron antlers (but Iron Antlers doesn't sound as cool), and Chuck shocks him some more. Iron Shoes burns out and lies still.
Then arrives the Autumn Knight, also known as the King Under the Mountain. He takes Iron Shoes away (but leaves the shoes, which Jeb nabs) after gazing at everyone through his crystal ball. He's a sharing sort, and lets us look through the ball, too. Jeb looks like a fire-scorched anvil; Lana looks like a pair of staring blue eyes. Andrew looks like a pair of green eyes filled with flame (sort of a compromise) and Buck, well, whatever he looks like fills Lana with such terror that she can't clearly remember it afterwards. So there's that to look forward to.
After accusing everyone of being the Autumn Knight, the Redcap fences with Rowena, and is coming close to beating her. So Jeb runs him over with a pickup truck, called in fencing la grande forde. He wasn't ready for that one.
Iron Shoes, meanwhile, tries to stomp Andrew and partially succeeds. Chuck clamps jumper cables on his iron shoes, which doesn't feel good at all. Andrew steals his iron antlers (but Iron Antlers doesn't sound as cool), and Chuck shocks him some more. Iron Shoes burns out and lies still.
Then arrives the Autumn Knight, also known as the King Under the Mountain. He takes Iron Shoes away (but leaves the shoes, which Jeb nabs) after gazing at everyone through his crystal ball. He's a sharing sort, and lets us look through the ball, too. Jeb looks like a fire-scorched anvil; Lana looks like a pair of staring blue eyes. Andrew looks like a pair of green eyes filled with flame (sort of a compromise) and Buck, well, whatever he looks like fills Lana with such terror that she can't clearly remember it afterwards. So there's that to look forward to.
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