MrN. Nomen, upon being told by his receptionist that the deputies are here, dives out his window. He runs off down the street, hotly pursued by Chuck and Rowena, with Lana close behind. Jeb gets his truck, which is way faster, and Tim pelts along behind, having paused to line up a shot but having been unable to take it because of the bystanders.
Nomen is tackled by Chuck on his doorstep, but throws him off with maniacal force. He rushes up to his bedroom on the secondfloor of his Pistolville house. Chuck busts down the bedroom door, which explodes in his face in a rush of wind and a thunderclap of noise. It's not a bomb, which is often compared to indoor thunder; it's an actual thunderclap with a massive blast of wind.
Chuck and Rowena are thrown into the other side of the house. Nomen shouts "ignificas!" and throws fire at Chuck, who is slightly set on fire but gets it put out. Nomen then animates the wiring in the walls and has it curl towards Chuck and Rowena, sparking eagerly. The magic words for this are "incarnis copore cupricum," in case that ever comes in handy around the house.
Chuck and Rowena get up on a chair. Chuck throws some ink on the wires, which make an inky puff of smoke. But then, Tim calls "fire in the hole" from below and throws a flashbang into Nomen's room. Nomen is stunned, but Chuck and Rowena aren't, and rush him.
Meanwhile, Lana has located Nomen's office on the first floor and is covering the back exit. A shed bursts open and four more bald guys with sewn-shut eyes rush into the house. Or rather, they try to. Lana slams the door in their faces and locks it; they hammer with their fists and shoulders. That should hold them a while. Lana looks around for weapons; their new freshman friend Milton has armed himself with a fireplace poker and shovel, but Lana spots a samurai sword. She scoops that up.
Chuck topples over a bookcase onto the stunned Nomen. The skull on the bookcase says, "Whoa! Watch out for the skull, fella!" which is odd behavior for a skull. Nomen is stunned, but bursts up from the bookcase, green eyes glowing on his forehead. He has begun to transform into a stubby-legged bearish demon form.
Chuck therefore drags over an even bigger bookcase and drops it on Nomen! By the time he's torn his way out of this new obstruction, Nomen has fully transformed into a demonic bear with curving golden claws. The demon yells at Nomen, telling him what to do, but Nomen's out of it. The demon snarls and declares its intention to deal with this himself, and punish Nomen for his slackness later.
Jeb shows up, having built a gasoline-powered flame thrower. Yes, I know that's a bad idea. He hoses Nomen with flames, getting right up in his face. The demon howls, badly burned, but swipes the side of Jeb's head. A whole ear comes off. Jeb hangs on grimly, roasting the demon from the neck down.
Rowena slashes the demon, and Tim shoots it, but it won't go down. Chuck pokes its burning green eye, which really ticks it off, then Chuck wraps Jeb's head in gauze. Jeb ain't runnin'. He does rush downstairs, but that's not runnin' away, that's attackin' somewhere else. Dammit.
The bald guys have broken in! Lana swipes at one guy's head, taking it clean off his shoulders. The sword gleams with silver light, washing away all the shadows and making the bad guys blink, even though they have no eyes. It's really quite beautiful.
Milton pokes another guy in the forehead, where Nomen's green glowing eye resides. Nomen, upstairs, howls. He felt that!
The skull, lying on its side in the debris, calls for attention. Rowena answers, and the skull says, "Will you be my friend?" She says yes and picks it up. "Cool, then you can defeat Ursiel by hitting him in the left hip," says the skull helpfully.
Rowena cuts at Ursiel's left hip. A coin rolls out of the wound, and at once Ursiel shrinks back into a badly dead Charles Nomen. Chuck picks up the coin between two books, careful not to touch it.
The burning roof (you can't shoot a flamethrower hardly anyplace these days, seems like) collapses. Chuck, Rowena and Tim go out a window onto the garage roof.
Jeb reconfigures his flamethrower into a bomb and shoves it at the bad guys. Lana bolts from the house with truly inspired speed, dragging Jeb along.
When the house explodes, no one at ground level is hurt; Rowena and Tim fell over, and Chuck hasn't jumped yet. The house explodes from bottom to top, so Chuck still has a moment to let himself down.
Tim takes charge of the crime scene (not sure of the details, but there was at least one crime here) and advises the kids to scat. They talk to the skull, whose name is Bob, and eventually come back to the jail with Ursiel's coin and the coin from Mr. Arbuthnot, the tentacle lawyer. It's an overlooked legal specialty. They throw the coins into the Hellmouth, and everything's fine ...
or is it?
Thursday, June 25, 2015
Thursday, June 18, 2015
Episode 21: Freshmen in the Hellmouth
Several new families move to Sparta, Tennessee, the most haunted city in America, for reasons that must have been extraordinarily convincing. Their hapless high school age children are, like it or not, enrolled in the Blackcourt School for Young Gentlemen, which despite its name, does accept young ladies.
LANA OLSEN is an aspiring reporter. She has a nose for news and a knack for spotting lies.
JEB STEWART has lived in Sparta for a few years, but hails from Harlan County, so Sparta's kind of the big city. Jeb already has a job lined up at Jones Tire and Feed, and has the much-sought-after superpower of Having a Car. When you're 16, it's a big deal.
Blackcourt operates from 4 to 9 am, letting out before the sun peeps over the mountains. This leaves the whole day after school to work or play, although it may gethe a bit tricky going to bed at 7 pm.
Each new student is paired with an ambassador from the upper class (juniors, not nobles), who is to show them around the school and answer their questions.
FRED, the registrar, notes that Lana and Jeb's transcripts do not record their grades in Embroidery, Lapidary, Fencing, or Horsemanship. Lana admits she hasn't ever done these things. So their ambassadors are asked to stay after school a bit and assess their charges' abilities in these vital subjects.
Lana's ambassador is ROWENA MORAN, a slow-spoken girl from the hills. She shows Lana the basics, and Lana picks up swordplay pretty quickly.
Jeb's ambassador is CHUCK BARNES, the quarterback from the now-abandoned Lysander High School. Chuck's lesson doesn't go quite so smoothly; he binds Jeb's worn old blade and breaks it, causing a sharp splinter-edge to pierce Chuck in the shoulder. Rowena applies some moss and linen, and Chuck waves it off. But with his other hand.
Lana and Rowena go to put the swords away and note some blood pooling beneath the equipment room door. Inside are three bald men in turquoise jumpsuits. They turn to face the girls and reveal that all three have their eyes sewn shut!
The men have been interrupted in the process of snapping the school's fencing foils, one after another.
Rowena drops her saber and pulls another, real, saber from a leather tube over her back. One of the bald men gasps, "You can see us?" and throws his saber at Lana. She parries.
Rowena slashes one fellow across the neck, downing him. The one behind him lunges, but ANDREW CHAYKIN throws an axe at his head.
Chuck pulls the "School Under Attack" alarm, which stands right next to the disused fire bell.
The third guy grabs a foil and squeezes the safety tip flat, rendering it sharp, sort of. Chuck rams him into the wall, gets a knee in the thigh, and headbutts him into unconsciousness. Then the unconscious head raises up, and a third, burning green, eye opens in its forehead. Chuck pokes it with his finger and the eye groans. The guy crumples, then crumples further, his flesh transforming into melting green liquid.
The guy with the axe in his head stands up, pulls the axe out of his head, and attacks Rowena with it. Jeb grabs him from behind to choke him out as Rowena cuts him across the belly. He goes down.
At this point, Fred bursts in, holding two curved swords at the ready. The blood of the bald guys is already turning into translucent green goo.
Chuck examines the remaining swords. One is much heavier than the others, and has been painted to look like battered old steel, when in reality it is very shiny and very sharp. Chuck hands it to Jeb to examine. Jeb finds the bell of the sword is glued in place; the actual crosspiece has been sawed off short, and the handle is black iron culminating in a narrow wedge nailed into the steel of the blade. It's the strangest blade Jeb ever saw.
MR. SCHMIDT, the fencing instructor, is found hung in the rafters. He's been hit on the head and is delirious, ranting about Panzers and swearing his loyalty to the Fuhrer. Rowena takes him to the Headmaster's Office.
Headmaster SIR ANDREW makes a fuss about not spilling a drop of Schmidt's precious, precious blood. He and Fred privately discuss whether they need to "make a notation in the new students' permanent record," whatever that means, but decide it will be fine as long as their ambassadors watch them closely.
Fred gets Schmidt's attention and focuses him by staring forcefully into his eyes. At this moment, Jeb asks about the odd sword. Schmidt says it is made to destroy evil; if used with evil intent, the sword will be destroyed instead. Schmidt was hiding the sword in plain sight, waiting for someone to come looking for it so he could demand a ransom.
The group goes to the Jail to report the incident. Jeb leaves the sword in his truck.
DEPUTY ANDY and SHERIFF EAGLETON do not impress Jeb with their quickness of wit. They do, however, prepare to take evidence from the crime scene at the school. Then Sheriff Eagleton hears screams from outside, and rushes out. No one else heard a thing.
Three more bald guys in turquoise jumpsuits are writhing next to Jeb's truck. The sun has just risen, and apparently they really don't like it. One of them brandishes a stick of dynamite; Rowena tasers him and he drops it. Chuck grabs the dynamite and Jeb clobbers the guy. The guy opens a third green eye on his forehead, saying "Gaze into the Eye of Doom and despair!" and Jeb, although resisting with all his stubbornness, finds himself running in terror. Someone clocks the green eye again, and he passes out, but doesn't melt into goo like the last one.
While the bald guys are processed, Chuck leads them to the library. The temporary library is beneath City Hall, a grand white marble edifice with statues of Justice, Liberty, Prosperity and Courage. They hear Mayor AL SIBLEY threatening to cut a guy into pieces so small he can slide them under a screen door. Sibley switches to feline jocularity when he sees them.
Chuck explains, helpfully, after Sibley has gone, that Sibley is in fact Alcibiades. The Town Jail sits above a portal to Hell, from which things sometimes escape. It happens.
Chuck finds mention of many demons who see through their servants' foreheads using green glowing eyes. There are about thirty of them.
Lana finds that the demon in question is named URSIEL, that his spirit is bound into a material object which sorcerors can use to contact him, and that his gaze inspires terror and sours wine.
BUCK CRAWFORD descends into the library. Chuck introduces him as the fourth member of the Sparta Junior Deputy program, never formally charged with any crime. Jeb quizzes Buck on firearms laws, which have many surprising loopholes.
Some of the cards in the previous, evil, librarian's card catalog are missing from the section on controlling and combatting demons. Rowena suggests taking fingerprints of the cards near the missing ones.
The junior deputies take the cards back to the Jail. DEPUTY TIM, the third member of the force, is now there. He runs the cards through a scanner, categorizes them as terrorism suspects, and lo and behold, the prints belong to CHARLES NOMEN, the lawyer for Black Pike Mining, which is opening a new mineshaft in town. The three bald prisoners are Black Pike employees, but listed as being in Minnesota and Oregon.
A scream from the jail block brings everyone running. The prisoners' lawyer, a MR. ARBUTHNOT, has opened his jacket to reveal masses of writhing purplish-gray tentacles which grab and squeeze the prisoners. He is reaching through the spaces between the bars, so Chuck tells Jeb to open the cell doors using the override lever. The cell door slides open, slicing all the tentacles off in a spray of brown, salty-smelling blood.
Chuck rebukes Ursiel, telling him Sparta has faced and beaten far worse than he. The lawyer produces more tentacles and tries to stop Chuck's hurtful words by folding Chuck into a pretzel. But Tim shoots him in the head (not Chuck, but the lawyer) and Rowena almost stabs him in the heart. The lawyer drops, his motion to continue breathing denied.
Tim concludes that the law needs to talk to Mr. Charles Nomen, whose employee just killed some of his other employees and assaulted an officer of the law and his young charges. He packs his holsters with guns and sets out, followed by the junior deputies, for Nomen's office two terror-filled city blocks away ... and it's barely even noon.
LANA OLSEN is an aspiring reporter. She has a nose for news and a knack for spotting lies.
JEB STEWART has lived in Sparta for a few years, but hails from Harlan County, so Sparta's kind of the big city. Jeb already has a job lined up at Jones Tire and Feed, and has the much-sought-after superpower of Having a Car. When you're 16, it's a big deal.
Blackcourt operates from 4 to 9 am, letting out before the sun peeps over the mountains. This leaves the whole day after school to work or play, although it may gethe a bit tricky going to bed at 7 pm.
Each new student is paired with an ambassador from the upper class (juniors, not nobles), who is to show them around the school and answer their questions.
FRED, the registrar, notes that Lana and Jeb's transcripts do not record their grades in Embroidery, Lapidary, Fencing, or Horsemanship. Lana admits she hasn't ever done these things. So their ambassadors are asked to stay after school a bit and assess their charges' abilities in these vital subjects.
Lana's ambassador is ROWENA MORAN, a slow-spoken girl from the hills. She shows Lana the basics, and Lana picks up swordplay pretty quickly.
Jeb's ambassador is CHUCK BARNES, the quarterback from the now-abandoned Lysander High School. Chuck's lesson doesn't go quite so smoothly; he binds Jeb's worn old blade and breaks it, causing a sharp splinter-edge to pierce Chuck in the shoulder. Rowena applies some moss and linen, and Chuck waves it off. But with his other hand.
Lana and Rowena go to put the swords away and note some blood pooling beneath the equipment room door. Inside are three bald men in turquoise jumpsuits. They turn to face the girls and reveal that all three have their eyes sewn shut!
The men have been interrupted in the process of snapping the school's fencing foils, one after another.
Rowena drops her saber and pulls another, real, saber from a leather tube over her back. One of the bald men gasps, "You can see us?" and throws his saber at Lana. She parries.
Rowena slashes one fellow across the neck, downing him. The one behind him lunges, but ANDREW CHAYKIN throws an axe at his head.
Chuck pulls the "School Under Attack" alarm, which stands right next to the disused fire bell.
The third guy grabs a foil and squeezes the safety tip flat, rendering it sharp, sort of. Chuck rams him into the wall, gets a knee in the thigh, and headbutts him into unconsciousness. Then the unconscious head raises up, and a third, burning green, eye opens in its forehead. Chuck pokes it with his finger and the eye groans. The guy crumples, then crumples further, his flesh transforming into melting green liquid.
The guy with the axe in his head stands up, pulls the axe out of his head, and attacks Rowena with it. Jeb grabs him from behind to choke him out as Rowena cuts him across the belly. He goes down.
At this point, Fred bursts in, holding two curved swords at the ready. The blood of the bald guys is already turning into translucent green goo.
Chuck examines the remaining swords. One is much heavier than the others, and has been painted to look like battered old steel, when in reality it is very shiny and very sharp. Chuck hands it to Jeb to examine. Jeb finds the bell of the sword is glued in place; the actual crosspiece has been sawed off short, and the handle is black iron culminating in a narrow wedge nailed into the steel of the blade. It's the strangest blade Jeb ever saw.
MR. SCHMIDT, the fencing instructor, is found hung in the rafters. He's been hit on the head and is delirious, ranting about Panzers and swearing his loyalty to the Fuhrer. Rowena takes him to the Headmaster's Office.
Headmaster SIR ANDREW makes a fuss about not spilling a drop of Schmidt's precious, precious blood. He and Fred privately discuss whether they need to "make a notation in the new students' permanent record," whatever that means, but decide it will be fine as long as their ambassadors watch them closely.
Fred gets Schmidt's attention and focuses him by staring forcefully into his eyes. At this moment, Jeb asks about the odd sword. Schmidt says it is made to destroy evil; if used with evil intent, the sword will be destroyed instead. Schmidt was hiding the sword in plain sight, waiting for someone to come looking for it so he could demand a ransom.
The group goes to the Jail to report the incident. Jeb leaves the sword in his truck.
DEPUTY ANDY and SHERIFF EAGLETON do not impress Jeb with their quickness of wit. They do, however, prepare to take evidence from the crime scene at the school. Then Sheriff Eagleton hears screams from outside, and rushes out. No one else heard a thing.
Three more bald guys in turquoise jumpsuits are writhing next to Jeb's truck. The sun has just risen, and apparently they really don't like it. One of them brandishes a stick of dynamite; Rowena tasers him and he drops it. Chuck grabs the dynamite and Jeb clobbers the guy. The guy opens a third green eye on his forehead, saying "Gaze into the Eye of Doom and despair!" and Jeb, although resisting with all his stubbornness, finds himself running in terror. Someone clocks the green eye again, and he passes out, but doesn't melt into goo like the last one.
While the bald guys are processed, Chuck leads them to the library. The temporary library is beneath City Hall, a grand white marble edifice with statues of Justice, Liberty, Prosperity and Courage. They hear Mayor AL SIBLEY threatening to cut a guy into pieces so small he can slide them under a screen door. Sibley switches to feline jocularity when he sees them.
Chuck explains, helpfully, after Sibley has gone, that Sibley is in fact Alcibiades. The Town Jail sits above a portal to Hell, from which things sometimes escape. It happens.
Chuck finds mention of many demons who see through their servants' foreheads using green glowing eyes. There are about thirty of them.
Lana finds that the demon in question is named URSIEL, that his spirit is bound into a material object which sorcerors can use to contact him, and that his gaze inspires terror and sours wine.
BUCK CRAWFORD descends into the library. Chuck introduces him as the fourth member of the Sparta Junior Deputy program, never formally charged with any crime. Jeb quizzes Buck on firearms laws, which have many surprising loopholes.
Some of the cards in the previous, evil, librarian's card catalog are missing from the section on controlling and combatting demons. Rowena suggests taking fingerprints of the cards near the missing ones.
The junior deputies take the cards back to the Jail. DEPUTY TIM, the third member of the force, is now there. He runs the cards through a scanner, categorizes them as terrorism suspects, and lo and behold, the prints belong to CHARLES NOMEN, the lawyer for Black Pike Mining, which is opening a new mineshaft in town. The three bald prisoners are Black Pike employees, but listed as being in Minnesota and Oregon.
A scream from the jail block brings everyone running. The prisoners' lawyer, a MR. ARBUTHNOT, has opened his jacket to reveal masses of writhing purplish-gray tentacles which grab and squeeze the prisoners. He is reaching through the spaces between the bars, so Chuck tells Jeb to open the cell doors using the override lever. The cell door slides open, slicing all the tentacles off in a spray of brown, salty-smelling blood.
Chuck rebukes Ursiel, telling him Sparta has faced and beaten far worse than he. The lawyer produces more tentacles and tries to stop Chuck's hurtful words by folding Chuck into a pretzel. But Tim shoots him in the head (not Chuck, but the lawyer) and Rowena almost stabs him in the heart. The lawyer drops, his motion to continue breathing denied.
Tim concludes that the law needs to talk to Mr. Charles Nomen, whose employee just killed some of his other employees and assaulted an officer of the law and his young charges. He packs his holsters with guns and sets out, followed by the junior deputies, for Nomen's office two terror-filled city blocks away ... and it's barely even noon.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)